Doug the Neighbor
3 min readJul 23, 2022


-LAUGHS-JULY-2022-…Doug the Neighbor-

=Laughter is the BEST Medicine=

>Size Matters…nobody wants a small glass of wine.

>Due to inflation dirty deeds are no longer…dirt cheap.

>They never told us how to get to Sesame Street.

>My mood ring just exploded.

>One of the perks of being my neighbor, you are the normal one.

>My Doctor says each piece of bacon I eat takes nine minutes off my life. I should have died in 1732.

>Cows. Buffalos. Elephants. Eat grass and walk. This proves it is impossible to lose weight.

>I got a neighbor whose …‘corn bread ain’t done in the middle’

>McDonald’s flies their flag at half mast when their ice cream machine is broken.

>Quit thinking you are ‘all that’ …when you are not even ‘all there’

>DIET…stands for…’Did I Eat That’

>Guys with an eye patch and three fingers sell the best fireworks.

>Dating is wondering why someone is single and finding out why.

>Hump Day is neither a recognized holiday nor a day full of humping. Bummer.

>I need ten incomes for the lifestyle I got in my head.

>I am not an early bird or night owl. I am a tired afternoon duck.

>My day dreams about being skinny are always interrupted by my chewing.

>When I was young I was poor. After years of hard work, I am no longer young.

>Five drunk people will start a fight. Five stoned people will start a band.

>All I want is a two income household to live alone.

>Stay consistent. Do the work. Your next level is waiting for you.

>Thomas Jefferson wrote the Declaration of Independence…but on July 3rd 1776…”Crap. This is due tomorrow.”

>Ladies…if you are going thru tough times, don’t cut your bangs.

>It is July and people are still setting off fireworks. One almost caught my Christmas tree on fire.

>Security Guard: You can’t bring food in here. Me: This is a service burrito.

>Two vultures walk into the airport. One had a dead animal under his wing. The security guard asked…”What is that?”…Vulture:..”It is my carrion”



Doug the Neighbor